HELLO HP2 FRENZ,
WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT COUNTRY DAVE WAS VICIOUSLY ATTACKED BY A ROGUE SHARK. GOOD THING I SNAPPED THIS PHOTO AS THE SHARK RAVAGED DAVE'S FACE SO THAT WE CAN TRACK DOWN THE ASSAILANT!
R.I.P. COUNTRY DAVE, R.I.P.
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Dear Half Past Two Enthusiasts,
It is with the greatest possible pleasure that I inform you the man pictured in that photo is not in fact our beloved Country Dave.
Long ago crazed scientists on the other side of the Atlantic decided they wanted to take the essence of Dave and create their own version. Dave was cloned as a secret French facility, he was given the name David (because the French hate abbreviations) Parris (after the city in which he was created, the extra R was added so he would not be mocked throughout elementary school...this plan failed).
Unfortunately the plan backfired, instead of being the the amazing rock star legends songwriter of the gods that is Country Dave, he just sat on his couch and watched movies... a lot.
The French were quite upset by this failure and sent their creation off to sea, hopefully to find a new life in America. That is where this vicious shark attack and subsequent photo were taken.
While we will miss this genetic mutation freak version of Dave, we can take comfort in the fact that the real Country Dave is safe, sound, and at last we knew, well away from the water.
Thank You,
The Management
DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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